On being a spinster

On being a spinster
Rhonda Dredge

Spinsters are supposed to be retiring women sitting quietly in the sidelines while all the action takes place elsewhere.

But Donna Ward, a self-proclaimed spinster, has been busy doing talks and attending festivals since the release of her memoir.

She wrote it while sitting at the window of one of Carlton’s coffee houses.

The first draft was done in Brunswick St but when she became too well known she shifted to Lygon St.

Melbourne’s lit culture is centred at Readings and the Lygon St bookstore was the first to promote Donna’s book.

She I Dare Not Name was launched just before the lockdown and it has hit a nerve both here and in the United States.

Donna set out to write a book of personal essays about being single but she discovered that much of the theorising was being done by women who had partners and children.

“In the ‘90s women could have it all,” she said. “I challenged them on it. They told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. What do you need a man for? What do you need all this trouble for?”

Many of the essays in her book are bittersweet ones about being young and expecting romance, only to see it peter out without commitment.

“My aim was to describe the life I lived,” she said but after doing research into the issue the book became more political.

“I wanted to address the prejudices of being a spinster and the assumptions that it’s better than being coupled.”

“The dominant culture tells about being in a family. I feel excluded. My story isn’t told. The simple question, ‘are you married?’ becomes complex.”

“My main message is about prejudice. Many women feel the burn deep in their soul. Do you have children? Do you have a partner? I’ve felt the burn.”

One of the surprising discoveries was that when she tried talking to friends about being a spinster, the overwhelming response was one of envy.

The book has yet to be released in the United States but there’s a network called Gateway Women with two million members who are childless or childfree.

They have been responsive to her writing. “I want to get the book to them,” she said.

International rights have been difficult during COVID with the Frankfurt Book Fair going online.

Back home the reviews have been good with some negative ones from a group Donna calls the “fierce feminists” who work in academia.

“I’m an everyday feminist,” she said. “Women are losing rights. The other stuff is not relevant. We have the right not to be raped. That’s worth fighting for.”

Donna is speaking at the Sydney Writers’ Festival this week in a session A Bit of Shush, discussing the pleasure and pitfalls of
solitude •

 

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